I find there are two sides of
That fight for control
One is refined and does what is right
The other protests and wants to fight.
The right I would do
But find the other takes control
Leading to destruction of my soul
With consequences I rue.
The good I seek
Finds me stumbling and weak
Doing not what I would
For the common good.
Kind and gentle is my nature
But at times I am cross
Letting feelings get loose
And fire away an ugly word
I wish not to be heard.
Times I would be compassionate
Lending a comforting word
And then find I think they deserve what they get
And my heart turns to stone
Thinking of much for which they should atone.
Times I wish to reach out a helping hand
But turn to my own comfort instead
Hoping you will understand
When I falter in extending help you need.
I want and need some one to love
And yet cherish freedom and independence
So turn away from any thought
Of love which I sought.
These conflicts inside me
Are hard to understand
And a constant state of confusion you see
When you look at the whole of me.
I fear I must have a selfish streak
Not as loving and kind as I should be
Because of my constant thought of me
Bringing hurt at disappointment in me.
Though I seem a gentle and kind soul
Not at all a sweet and gentle kitten
But a tiger strong and fierce
Who is tenacious about things dear to me
Determined to be the best I can be.
Lord, I submit my heart to Thee
So you can change me
Into one who lets others see You
In all I say and do.
©Jane Ward Smith
May 29, 2008
© Dreamwork Designs - 2001
"Reflection" by artist Tom Sierak.
Music: "Loss of Me"
"Dolphin Dream's Quietude"
Midi Courtesy Of Dolphin's Dream
Used With Permission