Maybe I should have been a tooth
And be guaranteed to be taken out once.
I won't lie, this is just the truth.
I've never had a date, and feel like a dunce!
Oh, I'm good looking and fun and all that.
Yes, I really brighten up a room.
But friends like to tease me about a black hat
And maybe riding away on a broom!
Ah, well, so I'm no Cleopatra, 'tis true,
That will never be my fate.
But I'll tell you, love, why I'm so blue
It's 'cause I ain't never had a date!
Parents flock around me and say I'm so cute,
And, Oh! my eyes are such a lovely blue!
I can't say they've said it lately, Oh, shoot!
They haven't said it since I was two!
Who am I kidding? I'm no dope,
No one ever yells 'cause I come in late.
Maybe I'll check out some nice, thick rope
And hang myself, 'cause I ain't had a date!
I work so hard to shed those pounds
And have even tried a daily jog.
But still I have this face like a hound,
And an appetite fit for a hog!
Ah, love, come to me if you will.
Be the man fat, skinny, or bald of pate.
Even if his name is Horace or Phil.
Please, just get me a date!
Update: After MANY years!
Well, I've finally been taken out,
No one feared for me or shed any tears!
I found the best guy, without a doubt.
In fact, we've been married 23 years!
Jane Ellen Slone ©