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Twenty Great Proverbs
1) When I die, I want to die
like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep.
2) Advice for the day:
3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why
didn't you say so?
There's a support group for
that.
4) "The problem with the
designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if
you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At
the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong
house."
5) "If a woman has to choose
between catching a fly ball
and saving an infant's life,
she will choose to save the
infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base."
6) "Relationships are hard.
It's like a full time job, and
we should treat it like one.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend
wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice.
There should be severance pay,
the day before they leave
you, they should have to find
you a temp."
7) "My Mom said she learned
how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw
her off the boat. I said,
8) "A study in the Washington
Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men.
I just want to say to the
authors of that study: "Duh."
9) "Why does Sea World have a
seafood restaurant?? I'm
halfway through my fish burger
and I realize,
10) "I think that's how
Chicago got started. Bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee,
I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just
isn't cold enough.
11) "If life were fair, Elvis
would be alive and all the
impersonators would be dead."
12) "Sometimes I think war is
God's way of teaching us geography."
13) "My parents didn't want to
move to Florida ,
but they turned sixty and
that's the law."
14) "Remember in elementary
school, you were told that in
case of fire you have to line
up quietly in a single file line
from smallest to tallest.
15) "Bigamy is having one
wife/husband too many.
Monogamy is the same."
16) "Suppose you were an
idiot.
17) "Our bombs are smarter
than the average high school student.
18) "You can say any foolish
thing to a dog,
19) Do you know why they call
it "PMS"?
20) "Everybody's got to
believe in something.
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